iDaydream

No More Blogger

2012-01-20T07:37:00.001-08:00

Please go to my tumblr idaydream.tumblr.com

i'm just not into the blogger site anymore - i like tumblr better and it's easier to use on the go. so everything that's already up will stay up, as i dont want to lose some of my book/movie reviews and such, but I'm working on getting everything backed up elsewhere, and when that happens, the site is coming down.

thanks for your understanding

Of yet another social networking forum.

2011-12-15T08:16:00.000-08:00

So I broke down and did it: got a tumblr. I had a friend show me how to work the damn site (since that's been my main deterrent all these years), and now I'm sort of liking it. It may come to eventually replace this blog, but not right at first. For now, I'll leave a link here and see how much traffic it brings me. I don't know how I'll like blogging on it or if it'll just be sort of a random spot for stuff that I don't want to put here. I don't know. We'll wait and see.

For now, here's the link:

i-daydream.tumblr.com

Nice and easy, right? Hope to see you there!

Of Finding True Love

2011-12-05T21:10:00.001-08:00

Isn't that what everyone wants? To find that special someone who makes you all fluttery inside? Well, in the movie "TiMER", everyone wants it just a little too much in my opinion.

Una (Emma Caulfield) is a 30 year old orthodontist. She's looking for true love, just like everyone else. Except in this reality, looking for true love means waiting for the timer to run out. That's right - just about everyone opts to get the TiMER, the countdown to the moment you meet your true love, your One. It's beyond being fashionable - it's an asset to the culture. Those who don't have them are looked at as outsiders, odd, or even conflicted or broody.

Well, the thing is it only starts counting down once both partners have had their TiMERs installed. Una's is blank for most of the movie. Tired of waiting around for her TiMER to start up, she starts a relationship with Mikey (John Patrick Amedori), a checkup clerk at the local grocery. A 22-year-old musician with a quickly expiring TiMER himself (or so it seems...dun dun DUN!), they start a friends-with-benefits sort of deal. As you can imagine, it turns into more than a simple sex-buddy - they actually develop feelings for each other.

As the time keeps going on, Una worries about her blank TiMER, her immature boyfriend, and the fact that everyone else in the world - including her 14-year-old brother - seem to have found their true loves.

This is an insane world I hope I never see. These people depend so much on this timer to tell them with whom they fall in love and what their futures will be. Their entire lives revolve around it. People's timers zero out at midnight the day they meet that one, and so they go through that whole day, waiting until contact with the right set of eyes sets off the polytechnic tones on the timer. But the thing is, it seems like some people are disappointed with whom they are matched. They had expectations, hopes, about who they would find. Then they find them, and it doesn't maybe reach that height.

Though the scenario is too crazy to contemplate actually living through, this was a good movie. It was funny and witty with a really out-there but interesting plot. The actors were really good - seriously, John Amedori seriously needs to call me - and it brought out a lot of deep issues. Do we have control over our futures? Can we recognize true love when it's in front of us? At some point, Una admits that she doesn't know what love is, that she is waiting for her timer to light up.

The one thing I'll say though: I don't like the message I got in the end. I won't spoil it, I'll just say that I didn't like it. If anyone watches it, you can probably figure out what I mean in reference to the paragraph directly above. I just felt like the entire movie was building up to one message, then in the last ten minutes totally went in a completely different direction.

Overall, it's an entertaining and interesting movie. So grab a date and get on Netflix, and see if the sparks fly.

Of the Girl on Fire

2011-11-15T11:03:00.001-08:00

So a few weeks ago, I posted my review of The Hunger Games teaser trailer. Well, now I'm back with the first full theatrical trailer.

I'm not going to go through this one frame by frame like I did the last, but I will hit on a few of the main points. Again, I wholeheartedly encourage you to watch the trailer here before reading my analysis.

Again: loved the trailer. It starts out with Katniss quickly sneaking out of the bounds of the District. She meets up with Gale, and we hear a snippet of conversation in which Gale says that they could do it - run away and survive in the wild. "They'd catch us," Katniss says. "We wouldn't make it five miles." For those who haven't read the book, maybe they're thinking the parents. But as a huge hovercraft comes into view and Katniss and Gale hide, it becomes abundantly clear that that is not quite the case.

What follows are scenes from the Reaping, the ride to the Capitol, and training scenes. All are very intense and emotional. In particular, Katniss' volunteer scene is heartwrenching. Cinna has a few brief appearances, and already they are cementing the importance of his character - besides Katniss and the other tributes and such, he is the only adult who seems to look serious or solemn. "I'm here to help you make an impression," he says. We catch glimpses of other adults with their funny makeup, outfits, and hairdos. Cinna is the only one who seems somewhat normal to our view. This is already setting him up as an important, possibly subversive character.

The score of the trailer is beautiful. I love the music accompanying the train ride to the Capitol and our first look at the Capitol. There's something about it that's elegant, grim, serious, and otherworldly all at once. I think it's beautiful.

Then the rules are explained: each District chooses one boy and one girl, between the ages of twelve and eighteen, to fight to the death. Scenes of training, people chopping up mannequins and the like. We see Peeta and Katniss' rooftop scene, where Peeta wants to make sure that if "I die, I'm still me." "I just can't afford to think like that," Katniss replies in a low voice. Wow. The impact of this scene - if you didn't know what was going on before, you know now.

Getting close to the end, the music revs up a bit and we see some scenes of Katniss with her sister, Katniss giving District 11 the respectful hand gesture via television screen, Katniss guarded in a hallway. Then she's in a glass cylinder, and we hear the countdown. Ten, nine, eight, seven....

Cut to scenes of her home, her face on a large video screen, a crying Prim, and a lonely Gale as the last five seconds are counted down. Then back to the tributes, and they're all off their blocks, sprinting to the supplies. Katniss grabs a back without even stopping, and the camera is running into the woods.

The title frame pops up, and Rue's whistle to end the trailer.

This trailer is so eloquent and beautiful. It really looks like they're going to be really faithful to the book, and that's so important to all us die-hard fans. I am really surprised at how much I like Jennifer Lawrence in Katniss' role so far. She really seems to fit the role.

Of a Race of Challengers

2011-11-06T14:05:00.000-08:00

I read an interesting article on nytimes.com about Leonardo DiCaprio's bold movie choices over the last decade or so. "When I can’t immediately define the character, and there’s an element of mystery to it and still a lot to be explored, that’s when I say yes" the NYTimes quotes DiCaprio as saying. It then begins to talk about how so many actors are basically cast in the same role time and time again, which is so entirely true. That is one reason I love Leo (besides his rebellious good looks). He is always something different, something flawed, something not quite perfect.

Then I began to think: what if EVERY PERSON on Earth looked at their life the way Leo described in the quote above: what if writer chose to write a story that wasn't quite formed yet, or what if every student chose the classes that didn't look like the easiest classes? Doctors? Lawyers? Actors? Teachers? What if every single person - child or adult - really looked for the challenging aspects of their lives in order to meet them?

So often these days, everyone tries to find the shortcut, the easy way to finish without really taking into account the journey they must go through. Perhaps if everyone challenged themselves, our race could progress even more quickly, efficiently, and intelligently than it has.

Just a thought. Read the article - it's very interesting.

Of Frustration

2011-11-04T07:03:00.000-07:00

It is Morning #4 of Trying-To-Eat-Healthy-And-Lose-Weight-On-A-College-Campus. It's not going so well.

I've reopened my account on a food diary-esque website, putting everything I eat into it (even what I'm not proud of eating), but every day for the last three days I've come in well below my daily allowance, as well as well below my calorie expenditure. And what do I get after three days of eating hummus when my friends are eating fries, salads instead of burgers, and not letting myself have any treats in between? A 1.5 pound gain. This puts me having gained about 5 pounds over the last six weeks.

This is incredibly frustrating and even slightly devastating. I had lost about fifteen pounds over the course of the last year before getting back to school, and now I've gained 1/3 of it back.

So, now even more changes must be made. Obviously, healthy eating in a college cafeteria is hard work in and of itself, and obviously though I'm recording what I'm eating the best I can, it's going over my allowance. So, now, here are my new rules:

1) Breakfast - have an omelette. I have to eat breakfast to be able to make it to my late lunch break, and the most calorically dense meal should be breakfast, anyway. However, only use vegetables in it, and no more cheese.

2) Unless they are serving some sort of grilled chicken, salads and maybe a few chips for lunch and dinner. Instead of putting the dressings on the salad, I'll do what I used to do - get a separate bowl and dip my fork. Hopefully, this will reduce calorie intake there (as I have a feeling that may be a main source, since the only dressings the salad bar has are caesar, ranch, bleu cheese, honey mustard, and some weird vinegar stuff that tastes nasty. I've been going with the honey mustard, but now I'm going to try this method to see what happens).

3) Exercise EVERY. DAY. I did exercise the last two days in a row (yippee!), pretty vigorously. I'm going to try to find a circuit workout online, though. My workouts mostly consist of me running for a while on the treadmill, doing a few machines, some lunges and crunches, then I'm done. Maybe finding a structured workout will help me better.

4) No excessive snacks. I've actually done really well with this the last few days. Usually, when I get bored in my room, I'll sit and just eat some pretzels, or heat up some left-over spaghetti, even though I'm not hungry. I'm really trying to cut that out anyway. I will only have a a snack if I am legitimately hungry.

Hopefully, this will garner me more success than I've had as of yet. I still think I'll be able to get to my goal, but it'll be some really tough work.

Wish me luck!

-iDaydream

Of changing my life...no, like, really this time.

2011-10-31T20:44:00.000-07:00

As some of my closer friends could attest to, I have struggled with my weight for the past ten years. Luckily, with the support of my family and numerous doctors, I've never been obese, and not even technically "overweight", though I've come perilously close to the latter before. Since my celiac diagnosis, managing and maintaining my weight has been easier than ever before, but now I tend to cave to cravings much more often than I did before just because of that. I tell myself that it's okay to eat ten Reese's cups in one day because if I'm good tomorrow, it will even out.

But I hate letting myself fall into that habit! I love being healthy and living a healthy lifestyle - it's something I was always really proud of. Now, I say I live healthy, but I know that I don't. But I love to run! And I love the way I feel when I eat clean and healthy (even if the eating part is harder).

So, I'm making a public commitment! Starting tomorrow - November 1 - I will dedicate myself to living clean and healthy, exercising, and blogging about it regularly. By New Year's Day, I hope to have lost about 10 pounds. That's two months - five pounds per month. I know that if I commit myself, I can do this. That will put me at the smallest I've been in probably six years at least.

As weird as this may sound, I'm turning to ShayCarl for inspiration. He's a YouTube guy I follow (who's amazing - go check him out!) who has been on a weight-loss journey for months and is doing amazingly. In addition, I look to my usual role models Tara Costa and Jillian Michaels. Thinking of them, I know I can achieve this.

I'm so excited to get started. I am going to keep a food journal online at caloriecount.about.com as accurately as possible to monitor my nutrients and calorie deficits.

So, wish me luck!!

-iDaydream

Of Remembering a Lifetime.

2011-10-15T07:34:00.000-07:00

I came across this Harry Potter van video via Mugglenet.com several weeks ago, and I just can't go without posting it for maybe, I don't know, the twelve people who visit here to see. It's just an amazingly touching and artfully edited video. Set to 30 Seconds to Mars' "The War", the video just goes through the entire battle of Harry and his friends against the Dark Lord.

What makes it different is it's not just a fan video about the Ron/Hermione or Hermione/Harry shippers, or how awesome Luna is (which don't get me wrong - she is AWESOME) - it's really about the heart of the story itself: being willing to die to further a cause of such magnitude and importance; being willing to put other people's lives and well-being before your own; of how hard it is to achieve these things.

Anyway, I just wanted to share this with anyone who may be stopping by iDaydream. Please go watch and comment - it truly is a spectacular video. I've probably watched it about ten times, and I still get goosebumps every time I do. It makes me want to whip out my books and start reading them all over again!

Enjoy. :)

PS - If you want to comment to the person who made it - which I completely recommend, because they deserve the kudos - you can click here.

Of playing with fire.

2011-08-29T11:59:00.000-07:00

Well, that's what "The Hunger Games"'s new trailer makes me dream of! The first, brand new trailer can be viewed at this link, and I'm just gonna take a minute to talk about my first impressions.

First of all, this teaser seriously has me pumped up about the movie seven months from now. Without the Harry Potter movies now - and, following, no new Harry Potter trailers over which to obsess until the movie comes out - I need something else to occupy my time. This should do the trick.

It's exactly what a teaser trailer should be: it's short (as in, "teaser"), but it really packs a punch.

PLEASE watch the trailer first, as my discussion will make so much more sense if you have, and also, I don't want to spoil anything for someone waiting to see it. It's literally only about a minute long, so go watch then come on back!

So we start out looking in on a quiet, peaceful, sunlit forest from different angles. We hear ominous, building music in the background, and it makes us realize that these woods are not nearly so peaceful as they look. After a few of those shots, we see someone walking through. We can only see the legs, as though we were crouching the bushes, spying, but we can see that they are carrying an archery bow. And those who have read the books know: this is Katniss.

We see a few more shots of Katniss walking from behind, watching her looking carefully at her surroundings, but we have not seen her face yet. Suddenly, a brief shot of just her eyes, following something quickly in the trees, and we hear flying and skittering noises. Now, we can see that there is definitely something up.

Then the voiceover comes: "Listen, you're stronger than they are" as she continues to walk through the forest, still on alert, but not quite like there's danger yet. "You are". Then suddenly, the music revs up, and we're running. Katniss is scrambling through the trees. There's a short shot of something golden-orange, then another shot of Katniss - now sprinting - through the trees. Then we notice it: the fire. The trees are on fire, there are balls of fire flying through the air. We watch Katniss skid to a halt just before running right into a newly lit log. Her face is upturned to the massive flames, and there is a certain fear there, but not cowardly fear - more like purposeful fear, fear that would enable her to get out of danger alive.

We see another shot of that golden arch. Then back to Katniss. She's running away from the flying fire, and the voice says, almost in a hurried comforting way, "They just want a good show. That's all they want", as quickly, we can see nothing but flame around her as she is sprinting away. The gold arch again. "You know how to hunt - show them how good you are". Katniss deftly leaps over a log, pulls an arrow from her quiver, and shoots it at the camera, a look of expertise and confidence despite the fear in her eyes. The arrow flies to the golden arch, which we can now see (and probably knew from the get-go) is the mockingjay pin. It catches fire, and the title comes on screen.

This trailer is very well made indeed. To make a successful, quality teaser is not as easy as one might think: in my opinion, a teaser has to accomplish several things.

For one, it must give a little bit of the story. Too many teasers want to give you scary or impressive scenes and images, but give you absolutely nothing in the way of what these images mean (many official trailers have this exact same problem). But in this teaser, we can see the progression of the story, almost - calm to chaos, but with a sense of purpose. We know something of what's happening from the voiceover, the words of encouragement - "You're stronger than they are" - obviously, someone is trying to control her. This gives us not only that information, but the characterization too - which is important, as Katniss is everything in this story. "They just want a good show" as the fire rains down - obviously, he is not referring to a musical, and from the title The Hunger Games, most could probably guess to what he is referring. "You know how to hunt - show them how good you are". Again with characterizing Katniss. Before anyone even walks in to the theater, they're going to know that Katniss is a strong, gifted girl.

That is another thing a teaser must do: give the viewers something to start rooting for. We already see Katniss' predicament, and we already are beginning to know how strong she is. If that relationship in the subsequent trailers is as well portrayed, people will walk in and be cheering her on before her face ever makes it to the screen. And though we do not see Peeta, it has to be either him or Gale giving Katniss this encouragement. Either way, it adds another level to Katniss: there is someone out there worrying about her and thinking of her: so we will, too.

There must also be a certain level of mystery: it's not a full trailer, it's not supposed to tell you everything. But especially for those who have not read the books (it'll be hard to do this for those who have), there is a high level of unknown. Who are "they" and what does this "show" and "game" mean? What is the bird on the pin? What is happening to this girl? These are all questions that will probably be answered in later trailers, but something that will also have to be answered in the movie.

Then, lastly, it has to be enticing. I'm already pumped for the next trailer that probably won't be out for weeks. But I loved this. It was simple, it told you something of the story, and it was exciting. We can already see that the stakes are high, and this scene is not even the most action-packed, dangerous scene in the book!

I also loved that they chose to do this particular scene. They could have done the Reaping, or any one of the many characters' deaths, or - if they had really messed it up - gone straight for the Peeta/Katniss angle. But this scene - one of the first in which Katniss finds herself truly and utterly on her own and at the mercy of the Gamemakers, is pivotal. And then, of course, the whole idea that the movie is putting as its catchphrase - the girl who was on fire - the fire would certainly emphasize that.

All in all, a very good start to what I hope to be a very successful movie adaptation.

Cheers!

Of two movies: one very good, the other....not so much.

2011-08-14T21:25:00.000-07:00

I had the spare time today to be able to watch two movies: the first was Frozen, which is the second half of my title. The second one I watched with my family, and it was The Adjustment Bureau. I'd recommend TAB to anyone.

But let me start with Frozen. This is a suspense/horror movie about three college kids who accidentally get left behind on a ski lift. What's worse is that, though the prospect of facing one night on a lift is terrifying and deadly, they must face five days. Yep, that's right: it's Sunday evening and the resort won't be open again until Friday. A terrifying thought that has probably plagued the minds of height-frightened skiers, it has a promising potential. What will these three kids do when they realize their dire predicament? Freeze to death, starve to death? Help each other out, sacrifice themselves? Use their combined brain power to defeat the odds?

Well, that wouldn't make for a good horror movie, but it would make for a long one since these guys have the combined brain power of a pomeranian. Two dudes and a chick, all three - while they may have the casual, friendly, pop-media-ized banter down to a tee - not so rich in the common sense department. For instance, though obviously sitting in the lift for a week to die is out, who would think that jumping sixty (at least) feet to the hard, non-powdery ground below is a good idea? Well, dude number one does! And boy, does he ever learn his lesson quickly!

Now, by itself, this could be plausible: panicked teen, trying to act in the best interest of himself and the group, convinces himself that the jump can't hurt him that badly because he needs to propel himself into action in a situation over which he had no control. But then, the stupid happens: instead of hanging down from the lift, getting at least a few feet closer to the ground, he just slides off the end. Instead of trying to deflect his fall from his legs, he lands at probably a ninety-degree angle with the ground. To me, though he most certainly still would have been injured, it would seem a good idea to try to land on your bottom or your front. [As I say, this would probably still result in injury, and it may have been worse than the one he sustained, but the viewer knows before he even leaves the lift that landing straight on two legs will just result in disaster.]

Later on, the girl falls asleep on the lift with her ungloved hand resting on the metal safety bar. She awakens to find her hand frozen to the bar and must pry it painfully away. There are many instances of stupidity here, starting with the fact that she dropped her glove while lighting a cigarette. To me, sitting in a chair lift, not knowing whether you'll be alive in a few hours' or days' time, is not the time to light up. Furthermore, if I did decide I needed a smoke, I would have secured my glove first! Every bit of insulation is precious! Next, who just leaves their exposed hand out in the cold to go to sleep? It would be against my chest, under my jacket, keeping warm, not gripping the lift.

The only semi-intelligent decision made by any of these characters is the one made by dude number two: to scale the cable from which the lifts hang, in order to get to one of the poles, which have ladders to the ground. This proves difficult, not just because of the amount of upper body strength and concentration necessary, but because apparently the wire is razor sharp and cutting through his gloves and into his hands. Now, I've done a little bit of independent research, and this seems to be completely false: while the rope may be rough, it certainly wouldn't cut into your hands. Now, this may have been a mistake on the part of the writers, or a falsehood put in to heighten the stakes, but either way....it never really rang all that true in the first place.

Overall, though the characters' combined stupidity is distracting and gets them into a lot more trouble than they were already in, the movie was entertaining. Director Adam Green knows how to construct an extremely suspenseful and tense atmosphere, even if the obstacles or stunts seem contrived or idiotic.

C+

Now, onto the very good movie. The Adjustment Bureau is not the legal drama I'd expect it to be from the title, but actually a love story with some conspiracy and sci-fi thrown in for good measure. David Norris is a young man running for senate in New York. He happens across Elise, a free-spirited and charismatic individual with whom he has an instant connection. They happen across each other again by random chance, and again, they hit it off.

But that wasn't supposed to happen, according to the Bureau. I don't want to give too much away, but I'll just say that there is a force that is guiding Dave's life, and it does NOT want him with Elise!

The entire movie is shrouded in mystery and puzzles, new questions brought forth throughout, until the finale, when they are just about all answered. These enigmas throughout keep the viewer guessing and watching, not really understanding what's happening. And when we do get the story of the Who, we still don't know the Why. The movie is smart: one must make some conclusions on their own, but the movie gives you enough details to work it out for yourself.

Matt Damon and Emily Blunt have a remarkable chemistry together as Dave and Elise, which natural conversation and banter, and I never once doubted that Dave would do absolutely anything to ensure that he and Elise got to be together.

This movie deals with issues of self: what one needs to be truly happy; how material (if abstractly material) things can take the place of true fulfillment; how, despite all the odds, if two people are meant to be together, it doesn't matter what some higher-up has written in a notebook: it's meant to be. It also delves into the idea that one must fight in order to be allowed to use your free will. I had never considered this concept before: we assume that we have free will naturally, that our choices are ours innately. But what if we need to earn that choice? And from whom, and how? These are all fascinating lines of thinking that spring up around TAB.

I feel bad that I don't have more to write about TAB, but I don't want to give too much away and, after all, it is always easier to write vaguely about that which is bad than that which is good. So, I would recommend Frozen to anyone with a free afternoon, willing to suspend belief for a little bit, and ready for some primal suspense. I would recommend The Adjustment Bureau to everyone, especially those who want a tight, sharp, smart, romantic story with excitement and spunk.

Of Potentially the Happiest, Most Joy-Filled, Birds Chirping, Double-Rainbow-Bedecked Day of My Young (And Possibly Old, Too) Life

2011-08-02T03:36:00.001-07:00

I. Am. In.

(click for clear resolution)

Of Life after Harry Potter

2011-07-27T20:51:00.001-07:00

This post has been writing itself in my head since I got into the car after the midnight premiere of "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallow: Part 2" almost two weeks ago; however, only now do I actually have the strength to put down these final thoughts.

Following the premiere, I felt, of course, excitement and adrenaline: after all, it was three o'clock in the morning, and I had to wake up in four hours' time for work, so that whole slightly-rebellious thing had me excited. Plus, all the excitement of being with my friends and with all of the other Harry Potter fans in the theatre just had me a little twitchy.

But, the next morning, as I was trudging my way through work, I began to experience something akin to what I imagine post-partem depression to be (without the birthing, maternal association, of course). As I thought about it, it really was like saying that final "adieu" to a very good friend. Harry and I first began our journey together when I was nine years old: a long eleven years ago. Since then, we've really grown up together like childhood friends. We went to school and struggled through classes together; we survived bullying together and learned to let it go together; we made friends and fell in love together; we discovered new worlds and - even more importantly - who we really were, together.

Hogwarts and all of its glory and fantastic stories were there for me whenever I was lonely or sad or anxious. Hermione emphasized to me that being a bookworm was, indeed, a good thing; Ron kept me laughing and fairly relaxed; Luna showed me that being an oddball was entirely desirable; Neville reminded me of the benefits of loyalty and persistence in the face of fear; and Harry, oh, Harry, he kept me inspired and in awe. And these are only a handful of the characters that have affected my life so much! Sirius, Lupin, Snape, Dumbledore, Hagrid, the Weasleys, and even Dobby have all taught me at least little something about my own world. These characters gave me love when I truly needed it; I mourned Sirius' death for weeks, and - tying for my favorite character from the books with Luna - I still sometimes reread over his better scenes in the books.

Granted, the books will always outshine the movies by about two thousand lightyears: quite honestly, there was almost no comparison. I love both movies and books, but they must be judged separately in order to really comprehend each's attributes. This is one of the most successfully adapted books I have ever seen (successfully as in true to the story and also pretty darn good movies). However, for the last ten years, there was always something new to look forward to: new books every few years, then new movies, too. Even when DH the book came out, I was saddened, but there were still three more movies to look forward to. Now that everything is complete, I feel its absence like a wound. Somehow, it never occurred to me, even as the date of the final movie drew nearer and nearer, that it would be absolutely finished. The sting of this finality still rocks me.

As I've said, the movies are, overall, hugely successful I think. However, there are a few things that I feel like they've just gotten wrong. To preface, I will say this: even as a fanatic, I do understand the concept that in the process of adapting a book for a movie, things must be deleted, condensed, changed, and yes, even added (though I have a friend who condemns the movie for this last editing magic). They are inherently different and therefore require different elements in order to make sense and be enjoyable. What I love about the Harry Potter movies is while things have been changed, added, and deleted, the heart of the story and the meat of the plot of each book survived and thrived, where so many other books were completely eclipsed and slaughtered in this editing process. So, without further ado, here are my top five issues I had with the series overall - these are things that I think detracted from the series itself in audience understanding or empathy.

1) Deleting Sirius' and Harry's relationship::Most of their father-son-like relationship is fleshed out in "HP-Goblet of Fire" (book) through letters and visits. I particularly love the scenes where Sirius supports Harry as he recounts his experience in the graveyard to Dumbledore and the scene following where he finally reveals himself to Snape and Mrs. Weasley. But it is really GoF that makes this relationship believable, makes us as readers understand what Harry feels for Sirius and how Sirius truly cares for Harry, and the turmoil that follows those feelings: how Sirius still yearns for James through Harry, and how Harry begins to think of Sirius as "combination of father and brother" (forgive me if the quote isn't quite right, but it's something like that). In the movies, he was mostly deleted from GoF except for about three minutes. Then in "Order of the Phoenix", it portrays them as semi-close, without any buildup. Sirius' death in OotP is a huge moment in the series, both books and movies. But without the buildup of their relationship beforehand, I feel like the final moment before he dies, despite how heart-wrenching Harry's reaction was, just did not ring nearly as true as it had in the book. Also, on a smaller note, it's frustrating to watchers-not-readers (such as my family) who are kind of like, "well, the last time these people all saw him, they thought he was a murderer...WTF?" Luckily, I'm there for the backstory, but that's not true of everyone.

2) Deleting Dumbledore's family history::On a similar note, in the movie "DH7.2", Aberforth calls Dumbledore's character into question, stating that he sacrificed people on his way to power. In the book, Dumbledore tells Harry his family's past and how terribly he feels about all of it and how he's kept himself in check ever since. In the movie, however, Dumbledore never gets to defend himself. We see in 7.1 the book "The Life and Lies of Albus Dumbledore", and then Aberforth's accusation. Perhaps viewers would have forgotten about all of this by the end, what with all the excitement of the final battle and everything, but all in all, I feel like it sort of left a bad taste in my mouth as far as Dumbledore's final big-screen image goes.

3) Deleting the history of the Marauder's Map::In the movie "Prisoner of Azkaban", I'm sorry, but there really is not excuse for not explaining about the founders of the Marauder's Map and how they related to Harry. It would have taken an absolute maximum of about five minutes to go through the story, and I know it would have cleared many things up for viewers-non-readers. Just tonight, my family and I were rewatching GoF, and Peter is constantly referred to as "Wormtail" - my mom had to ask why. Only when I told the whole story and reminded her of the opening welcome of the Marauder's Map did she make the connection. This was a very big part of Sirius', Lupin's, and James' individual characters: how the friends found out about Lupin's predicament and went all-out to make sure they could make things better for him. It really shows the strength of their friendship. It also demonstrated the despicable betrayal by Wormtail: how he was so trusted among his friends and yet still fell in among evil doers. Also, a side note, it would have explained the significance of Harry's stag patronus, how his father's spirit seemed to emit from him.

4) Deleting the scene where Harry asks about his father's questionable youth::It's a short scene in OotP, after Harry sees his father's less than admirable behavior towards Snape while they were children. In the book, Harry risks detention and possibly more brutal punishment in order to ask Lupin and Sirius to explain the circumstances and make sure his father's image remained a source of inspiration to himself. In the movie, however, we just have this short clip of James and Sirius picking on Snape, seemingly without any sort of provocation. It does the same thing as Dumbledore's misfortune: it just sort of leaves a bad taste in my mouth as far as James goes. Harry, never having known his father, always thought of him in times of distress: he imagined his father dying while standing up to Voldemort, giving him the strength to face the Dark Lord in the graveyard in GoF, for example. Harry's newfound insecurity at his father's integrity - and James' friends' defense of him to Harry - just show a deeper level of consciousness on Harry's part: that he actually does recognized that maybe, just maybe, his father had moments of which he would not be proud. But the comfort he gets from his friends reminds him that everyone does, and that overall, James was a very good man with a few minor indiscretions. Without this in the film, James is easily forgotten, but he just does not get the justice he deserves.

5) And last, but not least, the Abridging of Dumbledore's explanation of the prophecy::In the book OotP, Dumbledore takes a great deal of time and effort to explain not only what the prophecy means for Harry and Voldemort, but also why he himself never told Harry about it before. The reason amounted to that Harry held a special place in Dumbledore's heart, which made it painful for Dumbledore to think of placing Harry in harm's way at so young an age, or any age for that matter. This effort he takes to explain everything to Harry and apologize for his mistakes shows exactly what McGonagall says in HBP the movie: "You meant a great deal to him". In the movies, however, Harry and Dumbledore come across more as cordial partners than two friends or an old man with a grandfatherly love for the younger.

So, that's my say on the bits of the movies that, I feel, were just flubbed up. There are more instances, I believe, that just were not done quite right, but these will suffice. The good of the movies so far outweighs the bad that I can overlook this and fill in all the gaps myself.

In closing, I just restate that I still feel pangs of a sort of emptiness when I remember that it has ended, mostly for good. I am comforted by the fact that there are still surprises to come, such as Pottermore.com in October, and the mysterious HP-related announcement on August 14. All in all, Harry Potter, through print and action, has given me so much to love and to learn. I know that the books still have many more lessons to teach me, and I can't wait to start learning as much as I can. I don't know if I could ever learn it all - just as no one really learned all of the secrets of Hogwarts - but I'll get as far as I can get.

Harry, thank you for all you have given me. Thank you for all the stories and memories.

"So, Ms. Rowling, here is a song I wrote for you, because I'm grateful for all that you've taught me and inspired me to do. You showed me good triumphs over evil, and you taught the whole world how to read. So thank you, Ms. J.K. Rowling - thank you so much for Harry." --RiddleTM, "For Jo"

Of a perfect ending.

2011-07-17T20:50:00.000-07:00

Three nights ago, I was at the last Harry Potter midnight premiere that I will ever attend. Accompanied by two girlfriends and my boyfriend (dressed as Tonks, Molly, Luna [me], and Sirius Black), we waited four hours at the theatre, in full costume for the movie. These are my thoughts.

I loved it.

Yes, I am still mourning the end of the series. I grew up with Harry: the books began when I was only a few years younger than Harry, and the movies started with us at the same age, 11. We made friends and lost friends together; we were bullied together and learned to cope together; we fell in love together and, really, grew up in nearly every aspect together. While the book ended four years ago, and that was sad as well, this ending is so much more definite - no more new anything. Books, movies, stories. It's over.

All that said, I loved the movie. Yes, the directors changed and eliminated some aspects, and yes some of that exasperated me. But overall, I feel the movie did justice to the book and to the theme that Rowling was trying to get through for all seven books. It was beautifully done; funny, touching, exciting, terrifying.

Now, this paragraph WILL DEAL IN SPECIFICS. If you don't want to know anything about the movie, SKIP THIS SECTION. I WILL ALERT IN ALL CAPS WHEN SAFE TO READ.

Okay, a few things that irked me:

- They referenced Dumbledore's past with his sister, via Aberforth calling Albus' character into question. But then, Dumbledore never explains himself. His brother just says he sacrifices people for his own benefit, and instead of getting the whole story like the book, the movie just sort of...forgets to talk about it. That was my biggest issue with the movie.

- I wanted Neville to play more of the hero. Yes, he had his monologue-type-thing, and he did kill the snake, but in the book, that scene is so much more touching and awe-inspiring because of the torture and trials he endures before he gets to do that. I feel like Neville's thunder was stolen a bit.

And some of my favorite parts:

- Snape's memories. They were beautifully rendered and Alan Rickman acted amazingly. They were more beautiful and heart-wrenching than I could have imagined.

- The general fighting of the movie. I like action; the battle at Hogwarts kept my arms in constant goosebumps. A friend of mine called it "typical", but I disagree. As far as fighting goes in this scope, there's only so much to do: a lot of Team A running at Team B; aerial shots of clashing and fighting and gruesome dying (but still not all that gruesome). But I thought it was very interesting how they incorporated the gargoyles in the castle, and the giants, and the spells around Hogwarts. Visually, this was impressive too: these spells strong enough to hold off the army of Death Eaters, but when it finally begins to collapse, it looks as delicate as tissue paper.

IT IS SAFE TO BEGIN READING AGAIN.

I loved McGonagall in this movie, and Snape. Just 'cause.

All in all, I believe this to be a most respectable and well-made final sequence of the saga. It was beautiful, and, as a major fanatic, I loved it immensely.

Now, a word on the epilogue. I know a lot of people called the epilogue - from the book, even - crap. Yes, it was cheesy (why do I keep saying "Yes"?), but all in all, I don't think the story would have felt finished without something of the sort. As a writer, I tried to end my most recent reading of the book with just the last chapter, but, though the story was "finished", it didn't feel that way. I needed that closure that the epilogue, though cheesy, provided. Sometimes, you just have to submit to the cheese factor because a writer has earned your respect and trust. I think it ended the book beautifully and happily, and I thought it was pretty well done for the movie (though, I mean, come on, Daniel - these are supposed to be your kids - act like you love them!)

A-

Of the end of an era.

2011-06-04T11:23:00.000-07:00

So, as most of the civilized world knows, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2 movies comes out on July 15 (5 days after my birthday!!), marking the end of not only a pivotal movie saga, but also an entire generational phenomenon. After this final movie, there will be nothing left to look forward to in Harry Potter-dom: no new books to follow Harry through his exploits, no new movies to bring our favorite stories to a whole new medium. It's finished.

As an avid Potter-head, I look forward to this day with both uncontainable excitement and a sense of dreading. What will happen when the final scene plays out, and the names start to scroll, and then it's over? I've grown up with Harry, Ron, and Hermione: the first book came out when I was only six years old. We've grown together through these books and movies, and now it's really all coming to an end. It's a sad time to be a Harry Potter fan.

In preparation for this most magical and devastating day, I am going to re-read all of the Harry Potter books (which, okay, would have happened pretty soon anyway regardless of the movie). There are about 6 weeks until the movie comes out. As I finish reading each book, I will write an entry for it. I won't review it so much (because who am I to "review" one of the greatest stories of all time, and because it would mainly consist of "I LOVE HARRY POTTER OMG I LOVE HIMMMM!!!!") but more just sort of discuss it: how things early in the series foreshadow or emphasize themes we run into later, my thoughts on certain sequences, etc. I will do this same thing for each movie in return (though it will probably be more review).

I will also post in each entry my seven favorite themes/moments/scenes/etc. from that BOOK (book only for now). Seven times seven is 49; in a final post before the movie comes out, I will name my one favorite thing (whatever it may be) to be number 50. This "thing" does not have to be on any of the previous lists. It will just give my list a nice round number.

In addition, either before or after (well, gotta be one or the other, right?) the movie comes out, I am going to try to make a video talking about my five favorite aspects of the books that were translated into the movie (i.e., what things I think the directors/actors got right on the nose), and the five worst things that were either omitted in the movies or just not translated well enough that I think may have impacted the movies negatively. I think this will come before the movie premiere, but I'm not sure yet.

Instead of posting all of this in individual blog posts, I will have a post announcing that I've written the piece on this page, but I will create another page (see left) where all of this will be in one place and at easy access.

That's all for now; I've gotta get reading!!

Have a magical day!

Of my future.

2011-06-01T19:40:00.000-07:00

Until last week, I knew exactly what I wanted to do with my life: to be an endocrinologist. I wanted to pass on the gift I received to other people who are sick and looking for an answer, whose doctors don't believe that they're sick even as they deteriorate. I went through that; I could really empathize with patients who just want to be healthy.

But, last week, I had an epiphany. It wasn't much, but I'm sure it's altered my entire future. I realized, I don't want to be a doctor. Yes, I want to help those people, and yes, biology is interesting to me, but it's not my passion. I don't love biology or chemistry or math; in fact, I openly dislike the latter two. I don't want to spend 8 to 12 years in school, the idea of actually having patients and treating them terrifies me. The idea of going through with my pre-med major really just saddens me.

And then, I realized what I really want and have lost sight of in recent months: to read and write. I love characters and stories, I love what drives these characters and what happens to them and who they are and what they represent; I love talking about them and writing about them and discovering why they are important. Books and characters drive me to tears in a way math and science never can. So, I know that that's what I want to do now. I want to write, and I want to put my stories out there for others to enjoy.

In order to do this, I'll have to overcome my self-consciousness about my worth as a writer and a person, and I'll have to overcome my fear of having others read and critique my writing. I'm definitely getting better; I just really need to realize that no, not everyone will like what I write, and I may get trash from it. But from everyone I've given it to to read, I've had nothing but positive feedback. Granted, they may be a bit biased because they are friends and family, but it still makes me think that maybe others would enjoy it; hey, I like reading it. Others might too.

And I know now that because someone critiques my writing doesn't mean that they don't like it, it just means that they see a way in which it could be better. And I should take that at face value: I want my writing to improve and be the best it can be.

I will probably have to find some sort of other job with which to pay my bills before I go about making my way in the author-ship field. I don't know what that will be - I have ideas, but I definitely want something interesting and financially stable - but I know it will work out.

I'm at a certain peace.

Of Being Crafty

2011-05-22T20:16:00.000-07:00

So, I was watching a random movie on TV a few days ago, and they were doing a special during commercials called Movie and a Makeover. For this particular makeover, they showed how one could make beautiful jewelry displays from old picture frames. I've been wanting to make them ever since. So, today, i went and bought the supplies and have begun making them!!! I am making them to match my dorm room motif: black/grey with accents of scarlet and gold. I LOVE how the paint jobs came out! The small, two-split frame is going to be to hang earrings: on one will be studs, and the other will be dangles. The four-split frame will be bracelets and rings. And the biggest frame will be necklaces.

I a

m really excited to get them finished up! They are SUPER easy to do, and really can be inexpensive. Granted, I didn't have any frames just lying around, and I needed the spray paint to do the job, so in the end, my project will total about $50. BUT the frames I got from Target could also be recycled from around the house or bou

ght from a dollar store.

My frames were around $12, $12, and $9. each, the spray paint was $4, and the cup hooks were $3. There were a few extras I got that will be going back to the store - for instance, the show host suggested using decorative drawer knobs for larger bracelets, for example - a bit of advice I began to take

but realize is unnecessary, especially since the knobs were an additional

$16. I'm also using some recycled toole for the background of the earrings holder instead of the mesh screening I got from Lowe's for $5, consi

dering there is 30 feet of mesh and I need about 2 sq. feet.

What's great and fun is that it is SUPER easy, really anyone could do it, and it would make a great gift for girls or women of any age. And they're very utilitarian. Display your jewelry in a unique and fun way! Here's how it happens:

1) Decide how you want to divide up your jewelry, I have a sample above. Buy the frames to match how you want to divide up the treasures and to match your style. You can get them pre-designed or buy a blank canvas: it's all up to you!

2) If youwant to paint or design the frames yourself, go nuts! I spray

painted mine: one black, one gold, one red. Then I went back and sponged on a different color: gold on red, red on black, black on gold. But you can draw, stencil, sticker, paint, WHATEVER. It's YOUR flipping frame!

3) When your design finishes setting/drying/whatever, for earrings you can hot glue some sort of criss-

crossed mesh or fabric to the back. Like I said, I'm using toole, but you could also use a broken window screen or actual wire. For the others, I just putting the frame backs back on.

SIDE NOTE: if you want stud earrings to go on this too, don't put the back on! What I'm planning is to drill a hole in the back of the frame on the bottom and use a wooden peg to stand it up. Tha

t way, I can put on my studs, too! [Now for our regularly scheduled programming.]

4) For the bracelets and necklaces, I'm going to drill the hooks through the backs of the frames. I may enlist my dad to help out with making sure I don't destroy the backs, but it should come out nice. If you want, you can design the back of the frame, too. You can staple patterned fabric on it or paint or whatever.

5) And then you're pretty much done! Add the finishing touches and step back to admire your handiwork.

UPDATE: Here are my completed photos. I'm really excited about how they turned out!!

So in this picture you can see all three holders. The gold one will be for bracelets, the large red one will be necklaces, and the small red one will be earrings. See, in the picture below? I hot glued tulle to the back of the frame so that it could hold my earrings, and it's amazingly easy and cheap to replace if it gets torn. Plus, because I didn't put the back on the the frame, I can use it for studs, as well.

Of Lists: What to Live For and How to Die

2011-04-26T20:30:00.000-07:00

"I didn't plan on spending my summer in Jersey...in what might as well be a nursing home." So says Greta upon driving through her grandparents' summer-beachy New Jersey town. Shipped to her grandparents by her mother who can't handle her, Greta is a "troubled teen", and this is her "troubled teen story". Except, this isn't just like all the other "troubled teen stories" on the market: it's raw without being unreal, it's emotional without reveling in it, it's funny without being a comedy, it's romantic without being sappy, and it's inspirational without being preachy.

Greta keeps a journal of sorts in which she keeps two lists: a list of ways to die, and a list of things she wants to

do before she kills herself. She doesn't hide her intentions from her grandparents, from her friend, or from herself. But while her outer appearance and "who gives a flying f***?" attitude seem to convey a sense of nonsensical carefree-ness in the face of death, she fears it more than anyone. Greta fears aging - and, synonymously in her mind, death - to the extreme: where most people worry about hitting the 40-year mark, Greta sees anything past high school graduation as over the hill. Her story unfolds in a way in which the audience both understands her reasoning but also cannot condone it.

The character of Greta herself is interesting, too. She's "trouble", a handful, defiant, rude, and bitingly sarcastic. Yet, she doesn't fit the profile of what most people would label a troubled youth: she doesn't sleep around, she doesn't do drugs or drink, and though she mentions in passing that she's considering a tattoo, she doesn't appear to be tatted yet. Greta is simply an angry teen: enough of those to go around, but what's interesting is that instead of drowning that anger in drinking and sex and drugs, she thinks about her future - or lack thereof - with a sense of "ta hell with it all!" mentality.

What's interesting to me is her journal (she's holding it in this picture). She simultaneously keeps a list of possible ways to kill herself in the foreseeable future, and yet on the next page has a list of things to live for. In this way, Greta's character displays an astounding amount of complexity. She doesn't want to die because she's depressed - she has her friend Julie (guy friend, not a chick), and she doesn't altogether hate her own shenanigans she pulls on a daily basis. She may not be a ray of sunshine every day, and she definitely has her share of mental demons. Mostly, though, she's just trying to work through the cloud of confusion regarding death and life. For her, death is simply a way to "get out while she's ahead" - before she gets to a place where she has nothing to live for. To Greta, aging is simply decaying, waiting to be claimed by death while straggling on without companionship. What her grandparents understand and try to teach her is that aging is simply adding layer upon layer to who you really are and what you stand for and what you have to live for; the longer you live, the more you want to live and love.]

The thing is that the few times she actually comes close to actually committing suicide or in actual danger, she runs away from it full speed. She thinks she wants to die, but really, she is just infatuated with the idea of playing the romanticized victim.

Hilary Duff takes the lead role and - surprisingly enough - really pulls it off. Despite being (in my mind, at least) a Disney princess graduate trying to outgrow her old childish personas, she's finally standing in her own sphere of light. She does the "screw you" attitude with style and flair, emitting a confidence that just makes you wish for a minute that you could be that aware of yourself and of what you are. Greta is the rebel everyone wishes they had had the guts to be in their teen years, and Duff (who also produced the film) pulls it off without a hitch.

To top it all off, the musical score was phenomenal. I loved every understated, soothing, and melancholic melody in the film. This film is definitely one for the bucket list.

Of Better Finales

2011-04-21T19:12:00.000-07:00

Netflix is a wonderful thing. I've wasted far too many hours doing homework watching movies and shows (or, maybe even procrastinating). only moments ago, I finished my 6-week long project of watching Angel, the spin-off show from Buffy, the Vampire Slayer. And I wanna talk. Be warned, I try to avoid

huge plot spoilers, but there are minor spoilers.

First off, a little background. Title character Angel originally started out on BtVS, first as Buffy's guide as she navigated being a Slayer, then as her love interest. He starred in three seasons with the Buffy cast before moving to grander stages: Joss Whedon's companion show to BtVS, Angel. Now, he had a detective-type agency that catered to "helping the helpless" - those who fell victim or prey to the supernatural forces in L.A. Over the course of five seasons, Angel's team changes, he makes many astounding revelations and discoveries, wavers

between good and evil, and yet the message of fighting for the greater good - even when you're in doubt that the greater good exists - is the most important thing.

I was not as enamored and captivated by Angel as I was by BtVS. In fact, the first time I tried to watch Angel on Netflix, I quit not far into season 4. As a woman and a feminist, maybe I identified with Buffy more; maybe I liked the angle of the show more - more comedy, drama, satire, less CSI-like action. Moreover, I feel like season 4 was the season that "jumped the shark", so to speak. I don't want to get into any spoilers, but there were just SO many things that happened in season 4 that, as you're watching, just don't make any sense.

As thing after thing kept happening, I just kept thinking, This is so Stephenie Meyer fare. What the hell, Joss? In the end, though, when I finally got through that season, the explanation did help to clear up some of the confusion. Still, though, I was left with this feeling that this season may have been where Angel-ites began wandering. Especially since the original fans were watching this by week, not hour. I just wonder how much support was lost over this season.

Season 5 started out alright enough, I guess. Although, not even slowly, you see the team losing sight of what had bound them together for so long: the good fight. Spike joins us for th

is last season and, as my favorite Buffy character, this was half of the reason I decided to give Angel another try. I was pretty disappointed at first though: he just totally hung around, doing nothing for the first third of the season! I felt like he was severely underused.

Anyway, back to the point. The staff, now under the trappings of W&H, are beginning to slip. Angel slips the farthest towards the end, and it's the others who are watching in terror. The final conflict was too quick for 5 years of build-up. After 5 years of hearing about this battle, I wanted it to strike a chord, to really mean something. Though it becomes clear An

gel still is on the right side, you wonder how good he truly is. I absolutely loved that Connor fought with him - one of the things I hated about season 4 was how much of a brat Connor was to Angel and the whole team, despite them trying their hardest to do right by him. So, I just loved to see him showing kindness and gratitude to his father at this epic battle.

So, my last say, I guess, is that I just wish that the last episode

of this (for the most part) pretty awesome show had just rung a little more true. Everything went too quickly, everyone was too disconnected; I'm sorry, a two-minute rendezvous of the remaining team members at the end does not sit well with me.

Overall, I'd recommend the show. It provides serious food for thought, along with some mind bending and excitement. If you're a fan of Buffy, realize that this won't be the same or as good. Realize that there will be some things you see and think, Really? WTF? But,

overall, I enjoyed it. That's my peace. Later.

As a side note, the second screen shot may be my FAVORITE episode from Ange

l - check it out: Season 5, Smile Time.

Of Simulacra

2011-04-15T20:23:00.000-07:00

In English this week, we discussed the ideas of simulacra and zeitgeists. I was fascinated by the discussions and wanted to continue my musing. Zeitgeists will take another post at a later point in time; for now, I'll focus on simulacra.

A simulacrum is "a copy of which there is no original", according to my professor. Examples he gave were like Mainstreet, USA in Disney World's Magic Kingdom: it's made to imitate the classic, small town main street, but in reality, that "classic main street" doesn't really exist. Or like how "Leave it to Beaver" imitates the traditional family unit - dad works 9 to 5, mom cleans all day with her pearls, and dinner is ready and served the minute dad gets home from work - but this ideal really doesn't exist. Get my drift?

Then I was watching old vlogbrothers videos on YouTube (if you don't follow them, you should), and in one video in which author John Green is exploring his old high school/the inspiration for the setting of one of his books, (go to about 3:15 to hear his nostalgia quote) he says, "nostalgia is inevitably a yearning for a past that never existed" - I heard this and thought -- does this mean that nostalgia itself is a kind of simulacrum?

I want to consider this idea. Most people feel nostalgic towards a place or time that they experienced. For example, lately I've been very nostalgic regarding the dance team that I was a part for of three years at the studio I dance at for nearly seven years. My first year at college, away from my dance teacher (with whom I am pretty close) and my dance friends, I find myself sitting in the gym after a workout, stretching like I did at Saturday morning classes, and leaping and pirouette-ing as I once did. And I find myself wishing I could have continued on with the dance team because of all the good times we had and how much I loved everyone there.

But then I really sit down and think about it. I loved dancing, and I loved the girls with whom I danced: they were all there for me at a time when no one else was, especially my instructor. But I left the team for a reason: I had outgrown the dancing. Sure, I'll still boogie down to a good song on my iPod when I'm jogging, but I didn't love dance the way the other girls did; I loved danced because at one point, it filled a void in myself that nothing and no one else could. In addition, I am nostalgic about being part of the team and of being with the girls and cutting up with them. In reality, I was on the team, and I was a pretty good dancer, but I was never a strong part of the team. If anything, I'd say - especially the last year - I would have been a weak link at some times. I wouldn't have said that a few years ago, but I know it to be true now. I was dancing, but at that point I still wasn't healthy; we hadn't found the celiac yet. In addition, yes, I cut up with the girls and we had a blast sometimes, but by my last year on the team, I was up to two and three years older than all the other girls; we were in two different age groups and therefore not as close.

So, my two main reasons for yearning to go back in time to this period are 1) the dancing aspect which I remember loving so much, and 2) the other team members with whom I remember having so much fun. In reality, though, by the end I liked dance but didn't love it, and the girls and I had grown apart. So, in the way, I am feeling nostalgic over that feeling of team camaraderie and the feeling of loving the dance, but those didn't exist anymore at the time I'm remembering. Therefore, could this be a simulacrum?

John seems to have hit the nail on the head as far as the nostalgia thing. Maybe all we can ever remember in nostalgia are feelings that never really existed.

I'd love to hear some more thoughts on the subject. Comments welcome.

Of Making Rosaries.

2011-04-09T21:03:00.000-07:00

My friend Lylah and I spent our Saturday night making rosaries. She made one as an Easter gift for her dad, and I - this being the first rosary I've EVER made - made one that I'll probably keep for myself, but is a prototype for some that I'll make and sell on eBay this summer. For one thing, I need the money. For another, I am making them in green to promote Celiac disease awareness, and depending on how much they cost and how much I charge, I'm going to donate whatever percent of the profit to the Celiac Disease Foundation for research.

I am very excited about this.

Photos to come.

Of Doubt and Confidence.

2011-04-07T19:06:00.001-07:00

I think every human being on the planet needs a lesson in being grateful for what we have: our abilities, our families, our health, etc. That includes me.

Today, I went to biology. About twenty minutes into lecture, another student had a medical emergency. (I don't want to spread anything around - I just want to make a point.) During this emergency, I was so scared that I couldn't think of any logical thing to do to help this student. Luckily, there was one EMT trained student in the class who took action, and as far as I know, the ill student is okay. But after I left, I just kept thinking, I am a pre-med student. I should have been able to think of something to do. Why did I just sit there, staring in fear? For several hours, I was completely frazzled and shaken. I doubted myself completely. I wondered, 'am I going down the wrong path? What if I'm not meant to be a doctor? What will happen if I get through eight to ten years of school just fine, but then I get into the thick of a medical emergency and I freeze?' These were not happy hours.

While most of my day was spent working on an English paper due tomorrow, intermittently I thought about what I'm meant to do. Should I continue on the pre-med track? Am I cut out for this? I could switch to English and I know I could be at the top. But what good could I really do? I want to be a doctor to help others like me who went through an illness without any clue as to how to fix it or what would help. I want to help those people.

At dinner tonight, I jokingly made a comment to Boyfriend about how I shouldn't have eaten those french fries, that I felt like a fat slug. And he was so sweet: he said he had noticed that I'd lost a few pounds when he was checking me out (yes, he said that, and yes, I teased him) and that he loved the way I looked. That set me off on the right path for the day - finally!

Full of confidence because of what Boyfriend said and my nearly completely English paper, I decided to go for a jog and to the gym. I jogged 1.3 miles in 11:27 - a personal best for me, and I wasn't even that tired after. I was very proud of myself. I walked in and jogged for a few more minutes around the track, then I had the urge: I did a battement. First just one, then two, and finally just doing walking battements like I did in ballet years ago. I found myself pirouette-ing, battement-ing, jette-ing all around the track. My technique now is better than it was three years ago when I was still competing. Then I realized why: I'm gluten-free now. I'm healthy, my energy levels are up, my blood sugar is normal, I'm several pounds lighter, and I'm stronger and more muscular.

All these thoughts had me down again: why couldn't these be my years on the team? I could have been so much better had I been on the team while I was healthy. All these years, knowing that while I loved my dance girls and my instructor, and while I loved dancing itself, that I was always the weakest link in any number we did because I couldn't control my body the way I needed to, or I just couldn't get through practices or rehearsals without a rest. If I had been healthy when I was competing, maybe I could have excelled.

I went to my regular work out routine, pulling weights and doing abs, all the while happily surprised to see my muscle lines in the mirrors as I walked past. Finally, it was the end. I was dripping in sweat, my eyes were stinging from the salt, and I walked to the track outside where I could be alone and sat down to stretch. I did my straddle like I did while dancing, leaning over to one side then the other. I leaned towards the middle. Lately, when I do this one, I have not gone very far because of the pulling pain in my left knee. I pulled that hamstring years ago, and I have believed since then that I just couldn't stretch it the way I used to be able to. But tonight, I pulled myself all the way forward until my stomach was on the ground. I lay there for a moment then sat back up, the tightening of those muscles and tendons behind the knee a familiar pain that exhilarated me. I kept at it for several minutes, pulling myself forward, then sitting back up. I shifted into my right split and sat, straightening my legs into a perfect line, leaning forward and breathing out. The stretch felt better than it ever had before.

When I stood up, that's when I realized: maybe I couldn't do all these things before when I was competing. Maybe everything I do dance-wise now will be better because I'm finally healthy. Maybe the Celiac did steal that from me. But why am I complaining? I can do it now - isn't that enough? I can do something that I had unconsciously given up years ago. And I am so proud of myself.

So there it is. My day full of doubt and of confidence. I hope everyone else had as good a day as I did.

Of a new blog.

2011-04-05T13:54:00.000-07:00

It's still Chelsea back here in the little box inside your computer, typing all these entries!! Okay, so the bit about the box inside the computer is a lie, but the rest is true. I'm still the same iDaydream blogger, and my blog will still cover the same type of material, but on a more mature level. Having had my previous blog since my sophomore year of high school, I decided that I would really like to keep writing and blogging, but with a little more sophistication and merit. But while there are many entries in the old blog that make me cringe (there is a certain sparkling vampire with whom I used to be far too infatuated...enough said), there are many posts that I would hate to lose - mainly my book and movie reviews. I also wanted to keep my iDaydream persona. So, aside from going through all of the over 100 posts and picking what stays and goes, I decided it would be better to just shift that one aside to gather dust and put out this new, shiny blog. For anyone who would want to look through my old blog, it is still accessible and there is a link on the 'Follow iDaydream' page.

Look for more posts to come, but this one is just to let any readers I may have know that it is still me! Look for more interesting posts on school, books, movies, thoughts, and - of course - my random musings and daydreams.